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Chapter One: Genesis

Erin: ok hello everyone I want to let you knwo that I'm the BIGGEST Twilight ever! I've read all the boks and seen da movie -OMFG isn't Cullin HAWT. So hot. ok now iv writon a storie about wut wold happen id I were bella1 Because shes a dirte bithc so i want you to see it and tel moi what you think!! So LOTS OF REVOWS PLZ! lov you God xoxoxoxo

I hud to put my storie up hear becose the meenies at FF.net deleated it but I am glad the Jew and the Bird are gone and aint flaming me anymore

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked into the room and HE waz siting over by the coner of my english class, prefectly sitting by the corner in a desk. I thought he was a god (Erin: not god God because I luv god and thats blamsphemi, so fuc off sinars) becoz he looked so darmn hot, like that guy who used to be on Smalvile befor he got fat so now I watch supernatural becoz fat man is always in my head now.

I giglied when he lookd at mwah and Edwards looked away seeming to snarlingly. I flacked my long brown hare hoppping to git his atention. I hav long brown hair that reatches my btomm, in a smooth long thing with a hairclip and such. I have hotr eyeliner with lots of blue mascara becoz it goes with moi eyes you see becoz they are blu. and i'm wearing a loose wite blows with a cute leather belt and a long black skirt becoz its sexy but not whory and its a sin to be a whor tunles ur Mary Magdalin, but shes daed anyway.

Edward looked back to me and loked away agin. It was rood and I farroed my brow confusedly at hymn, but decided but hes sex-ah so Ill let him get away with it (The Lord teeches us to forgave).

I walked over, with evry eye on the room on me because Im so darmn H-O-T (I've been told this mnay times so I know it is true( and i sit on his desk and he looks up and has bronze eyes that are sexy in a brewding way (erin: FORSHADOWING!! He is brewdy but if you havnt reed the boks you'd already no that!)

He looks up to me and I look dwn to him loking up to me. He then speaks, in a quiet brewding voice.

"Who are you?" he aks and why are you on my desk?

So i winks at him and tell him he's cute, but then class starts and i sit down and watch him.

He is so hot and I dcide want to be his boyfriend. He looks at me and turns away agin.

!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So yeeeeeeeah thats my storie tell me what you hink with your revieows! so glad to have writing it i'm happi ass now! GOD LOVES YOU ALL! XOXOXOXOXO! :3
this is mi story were me n EDWARD CULLEN fight the eval Jomes and stuff. I Luv Twilight and EDWARD is the HOTEST EVA
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:iconvirtualpanic:
virtualPanic Featured By Owner May 26, 2014  Student Writer
Man fuck you guys this is the best fanfic I've ever read (joke)))))))
Reply
:iconarabascan:
Arabascan Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2013
I hope that this is a parody. If not, it is one of the biggest insults to the hundreds and thousands of years humanity put into evolving a language I saw so far.
Reply
:iconthethirdreviewer:
TheThirdReviewer Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013   General Artist
You are so hung up on blasphemy and yet you watch Supernatural. How does that factor in to your precious Jesus-freak sensibilities?
Reply
:iconmidnightshadows24:
MidnightShadows24 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hell no. I refuse to believe that Erin watches Supernatural. :iconthrowplz:
Reply
:iconthethirdreviewer:
TheThirdReviewer Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013   General Artist
Understandable.
Reply
:iconraelooo:
raelooo Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
holy fuck
Reply
:iconsurgeon-scone:
Surgeon-Scone Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
12,472 views as of this post.

Why...

Dear God, why...
Reply
:iconthethirdreviewer:
TheThirdReviewer Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013   General Artist
She's funny. And the comments are gold.
Reply
:iconsurgeon-scone:
Surgeon-Scone Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
But... the horror...
Reply
:iconthethirdreviewer:
TheThirdReviewer Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013   General Artist
i know right
Reply
:iconwisedomsdaughter:
wisedomsdaughter Featured By Owner May 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I think that instead of ignoring all the flames you get, maybe you should take some of the suggestions in the reviews and apply it to your writing. That way, you will improve.
Reply
:iconeiblynn:
Eiblynn Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This simply has to be a troll.
Reply
:iconlordofstamps:
LordOfstamps Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013
Please be a troll. Please be a troll.
Reply
:iconreko568:
reko568 Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013
fucking bloody hell I can't stand ditzes like you! If being deleted from FF didn't give you a hint, let this: STOP WRITING SHIT. Did you fail kindergarten? Or maybe you're missing so keys on you keyboard, but either way, LEARN. HOW. TO. FUCKING. SPELL.
Reply
:iconsunriseoflove:
Sunriseoflove Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012
I really want to do a dramatic reading to this.
This has pure skills. I love it.
Reply
:iconthethirdreviewer:
TheThirdReviewer Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012   General Artist
"Who are you and why are you on my desk?" Best line in this chapter.
Reply
:iconbri-bewitched:
bri-bewitched Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012
I'm an athiest, and you're offending me.


XDDDDD

This was horrible. There's my feed back.
Reply
:icondeanxsampwns:
DeanXSamPwns Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012
This is so funny that two of my friends are reading over my shoulder and one of them just snorted...
Reply
:icondeanxsampwns:
DeanXSamPwns Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2012
OMMG, Tis is bes stosri evajh. Ika can;t watija to reafd morea,fl.


Haha, can you read that? Okay... It takes me ages to read your story for many reasons.
1. It is terrible...
2. It is terrible
3. It is terrible
4. I can't read it because it's terrible
5. I can't stop laughing.

P.S. I will punch your soul in the face. :)
Reply
:iconatinglesart:
ATinglesart Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Bird!!!! Bird is da word.
Reply
:iconthethirdreviewer:
TheThirdReviewer Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012   General Artist
Who is the Jew and where have they gone?
Reply
:iconkanakitty:
Kanakitty Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm dying laughing. THANK YOU TWILIGHT MYIMMORTAL FOR TONIGHTS ENTERTAINMENT (dnot flamu prpez dis is bestset sturi evah)
Reply
:iconsetchko-of-the-air:
Setchko-of-the-Air Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Student Writer
so sexyyyyy
Reply
:iconortensia12:
Ortensia12 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Now I can understand FF.net deleted your story
Reply
:iconvoldytwilight:
VoldyTwilight Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
This whole story is one word:
FAIL.
Reply
:iconemmieycathiey:
EmmieyCathiey Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012
Whoah wait this isnt from ffn?
Reply
:icon7-year-bytch:
7-Year-Bytch Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
What the fuck did I just read? :wtf:
Reply
:iconcartooniac55:
Cartooniac55 Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012
yeeeeeeeah
Erin, please don't use that meme again.
You'll make Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey cry.
Reply
:iconrxethecreature10:
Rxethecreature10 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012  Student Artist
You're the biggest TWILIGHT ever? Congratulations, I am the biggest Pisces ever, then.

Seriously, your grammar is making my eyes bleed. GRAMMAR!
Reply
:icondarkakito:
DarkAkito Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
WAI HAY DERE!
Reply
:iconrxethecreature10:
Rxethecreature10 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2012  Student Artist
I'm the biggest Pisces EVER!
Reply
:icondarkakito:
DarkAkito Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
lol!
Reply
:iconrxethecreature10:
Rxethecreature10 Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2012  Student Artist
That sounds funny... I just imagined :iconfeferiplz: being a blimp.
Reply
:icondarkakito:
DarkAkito Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Pfft!
Reply
:iconrxethecreature10:
Rxethecreature10 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012  Student Artist
Dude... that would be awesome
Reply
:icondarkakito:
DarkAkito Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It really would.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icontangledmask:
TangledMask Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
For you being the biggest Twilight fan ever, you didn't spell 'Cullen' right. :/
Reply
:iconneonwhisker:
NeonWhisker Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
'Edward looked back to me and loked away agin. It was rood and I farroed my brow confusedly at hymn, but decided but hes sex-ah so Ill let him get away with it'

Because he was sex-ah, she forgave him for looking briefly at her, then looking away.

walked over, with evry eye on the room on me because Im so darmn H-O-T

I'm sorry to say, Erin, but have you ever heard of the term 'Mary Sue'? Yes, that was a classic Sue sentence.

Alright. I believe improvement can be made. Even though you have made many other chapters, please let there be improvement. First of all, use spell check. For everything. You'll see that maybe more than half the chapter is constructed of spelling errors. Another thing, don't have the main character describing herself as sexy and hot, and all this and that, if you're not going to do it right. Which is, basically not at all. First of all, it is a bit 'whory' as you said, and secondly, it reeks of pure, condensed Mary Sue, and lets face it, a lot of people can do it right, but sadly,
you can't just yet.

I believe you can get better. It can all be fixed. There might still be time left. Please, please listen to this.
Reply
:iconnefairyious:
Nefairyious Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know this is a late reply, but you DO realise that this FanFiction is almost definitely a joke based on the fad of making horrible fanfictions originating from the infamously bad My Immortal, right?
Reply
:iconkagetoranotsume:
KageToraNoTsume Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2012
Wait wait wait...you have three opening '(' and only one closing ')' . . . . .
Every math and programming class I've ever taken in my LIFE is screaming at you to fix that right now...not to mention my OCD.
Reply
:iconcartooniac55:
Cartooniac55 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012
He is so hot and I dcide want to be his boyfriend.
His boyfriend, you say...?
:iconlolwutthehell:
Reply
:iconthethirdreviewer:
TheThirdReviewer Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012   General Artist
Yaoi! Hell yeah!
Reply
:icongekoladie:
Gekoladie Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2012  Student Writer
This is bad.
Reply
:iconthethirdreviewer:
TheThirdReviewer Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012   General Artist
You don't say.
Reply
:iconortensia12:
Ortensia12 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
You make :iconsonymae: and :icondisneyfan-01: (both of them get trolled a lot for their art and writing skills) art look like :icontwisted-wind:'s art. You also make their writing look like it was written by :iconclub-kids:
Reply
:iconortensia12:
Ortensia12 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
whops wrong profile! :iconsony-mae:
Reply
:iconkoopacake101:
KoopaCake101 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011  Student Photographer
Oh, FFS, you call this shit LITERATURE?
Reply
:iconxxlucifer:
xxLucifer Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
All the comments make this shit worth looking up. LUL.
Reply
:iconsupergirl75:
supergirl75 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Oh man... *buries face in hands and starts crying*

Is this the first horribly written fanfic on dA?
Reply
:iconromulusrat:
RomulusRat Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
hymn? LOL I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR
Reply
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September 18, 2009
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